Description Improvement - Any Description-Related Feedback Here

The best way to do this is to copy out the original description/text --- either find it from the character information section or the game (screenshots would be a good idea) --- highlight the part of the text that contains the error(s) then write your suggestion in a separate paragraph. This way ToM/other authors know exactly where to look & change. So I will start this off as an example:



Also in the description:
"Yuuji slash the sword with his Power of Existence. Make an energy wave is appear on top of his sword.
Deals 225 damage each slash hitted"

My Suggestion:
Using his Power of Existence, Yuuji can generate energy waves when he swings his sword.
Deals 225 damage each wave.

nice one.. i will change it.. thanks btw.. and i need some too which still not have good description..

Sorry but i won't be able to post any images due to my ....laziness....
This is gonna be a bit dry, i'll try to convert .tga to .jpeg and post later.

Axe of Serathil:

Original :Axe that have msyterious power which is very light
All people who use this Axe have mighty power to slash all around the user

My suggestion : A very light Axe which has mysterious power.
Anyone who uses this Axe will gain its mighty power of slashing all enemies at once.

Btw do decrease the AOE of Cleaving Attack.

Star Dragon Sword

Original : : Sword that even can cut through dragon skin and all armors
Usually used for killing dragons

My suggestion : A powerful sword that can even cut through dragon's skin and all types of armor. Normally used to slay dragons.

Mato Kuroi's Skills

Chain Action

Original : With her Rock Cannon, BRS capable to shoot 20 rocks per second. She shots into two different directions.
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Damage will be reduced by 50% for each rock hitted by same unit

My suggestion : With her Rock Cannon, BRS is capable of shooting 20 rocks/sec.
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Reduces 50% damages of the next rock if it hits the same unit.

Block

Original : Rock Cannon is not only for offensive, but strong enough to be used as a shield against attacks. It is perfectly able to fend off a small portion of damage received and there is a chance to block all of the damage taken. True-block does not effect to creep.
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Give passive ability to reduced damage from attacks, and have chance to block the damage

My suggestion : Rock Cannon is not only used for offensive, but also able to be used as a shield. It's able to fend off a small portion of damages and there is a chance of blocking all damages
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Gives passive ability to reduce damage and have a chance to True-Block.
True-Block does not affect creeps

LVL 1-2-3-4-5 : Block ... damage, ??% chance to True-Block

Blue-Flamed Eye

Original : A blue flame shoots out from her left eye.
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Give 15% chances while attacking for increasing her attack speed to max for 1.5 seconds.

My suggestion :A blue flame shoots out from her left eye.
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Gives 15% chance of increasing her attack speed to maximum for 1.5 second while executing an attack.

Phantasm

Original : Black Rock Shooter enveloped her body with negative energy, it causes his nearby enemy around taking damages. As long as she moves, a phantom of herself will be there along the path.
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During this state she will gain max movement speed and has 4 seconds duration

My suggestion: BRS overflows her body with negative energy, which deal damages to nearby enemies.When she moves, she'll leave behind phantoms of herself.
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Phantasm lasts 4 seconds.During this state BRS will gain maximum movement speed.

Black Rock Cannon

Original : The Rock Cannon is the name of a very large gun used by Black Rock Shooter. Rock Cannon can not only shoot rocks/bullets, but also blast orbs that shoot with a lot of destructive power.
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Deals damage in a line that come twice, the second one is have 25% damage than the first one. Damage dealt is depends of her stored mana. After using, her mana will become 0.

My suggestion: The Rock Cannon is the name of a huge gun used by BRS. Not only RC shoots rocks/bullets, but can also charges up to shoot 2 destructive beams.
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Deals damages in line.1st blast will have 100% damage, while the 2nd blast will only have 25%. Damage dealt depends on her stored mana. After using, her mana will be reduced to 0.

LVL 1-2-3 : Deals ?? damages for each mana points stored.

Claw of Bloodthirst

Original : Claw that already imbued with the crazy power of the true berserker which make the holder become thirsty for blood a lot.

My suggestion : A Claw which is imbued with the unholy power of the true Berserker. Deepen the holder's soul into the thirst for blood.

Gloves of Madness

Original : Red gloves that imbued with Darkness Power which the bearer become like crazy

My suggestion : Red pair of gloves forged with Madness power. Makes any weapon light as feather.


Shiny Gem

Original : Magical Gem that already imbued with mysterious power and make the gem is shine brightly

My suggestion : A Magical Gem which holds the power of Light. Bears the overwhelming mysterious power, anyone who gets a hold of this will be given a godly endurance

Lance

Original : Lance that usually used by many paladin on battlefield that can pierce trough any armors

My suggestion : A paladin's lance that's commonly used on battlefield. Such lances are known for its wicked power of piercing through any armors

Moon Armor

Original :Armor that already implented with power from the moon itself. Giving maximum protection

My suggestion : A Divine armor overflows with the extreme power of the Moon. Grants its user holy protection

Shield of Darkness

Original : Shield that already imbued with darkness power that even can block spell damage

My suggestion : A shield which is created by the Dark Forces for Anti-Mage purpose. Gives its wielder protection against any furious Spell attacks.
Hatsune Miku's Skills
Cheer

Original : Miku cheer's up the allies target with her voice.

My suggestion :Miku cheers her allies up with such beautiful voice that can even heal any wounds.

Leek

Original : A special attack that Miku release, which make
her leek's grow bigger for an instant hit to single enemy.
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Give 10% chance to stun the enemy with 40 extra damage and stunning for 1 second and 2 seconds to creep.

My suggestion : A special power that Miku releases which make her leek grows bigger for an instant then hit enemy with powerful force.
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Gives 10% chance to stun heroes for 1 second (2 seconds to creeps) with 40 extra damages

Mute

Original : ....Dealing small damage and stunning each enemy around her and make they can't using a spell for a while.

My suggestion : Deals small damages and stun all surrounding enemies, then silences them.

Mute

Original :.... in the middle of the battlfield...
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Deals damage around her and cause all of the enemy target forced to not attacking and decreasing all affected unit combat spirit
My suggestion :.....in the middle of the battlefield...
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Deals damage to surrounding enemy's heroes and forbid them from attacking.After that decreases all affected heroes's spirits

Omegasui's method is not so bad an idea so I guess screenies can be optional :P

Original Background for Yuuji:
Yuuji, the main character if the story, is just an average high school student. However, his world is turned upside down when he discovers that he is already dead. Fortunately, Yuuji is a Mystes who contains a treasure known as the "Reiji Maigo". Unlike normal torches, this one can restores his Power of Existence every midnight. Yuuji has the possibility to live on like an average human as long as he makes that his Power of Existence does not run out before midnight. Later, he begins to learn to use the yet untapped potential of the treasure kept within him. He cares deeply about Shana.

My Suggestion on the background" for Yuuji:
Yuuji is the male protagonist who lived an average high school student life until he discovers that he is a "Torch" --- an existence that takes a form of human and gradually loses existence (or becomes forgotten by others) when his or her "Flame of Existence" burn out. After meeting Shana, Yuuji soon finds out that he is a Mystes --- a Torch who carries a treasure granting the wielder special skills or abilities; Because of his treasure, "Reiji Maigo", which allows his Flame of Existence to be regenerated every midnight, Yuuji is able to live on like an average human. As story unfolds he begins to understand his untapped potential assisting him while fighting along side with Shana, who he cares deeply for.

Original "Background" for Miku:
Hatsune Miku is born as the vocaloid; Hatsu (First) ne (Sound) & Miku (Future). She get that name and being the first to helping people with her voice, and the first weapon is "leek" and it's obtained when she's singing at the first time.

My Suggestion on the Background for Miku:
Hatsune Mike is a vocaloid; she has been given her name --- which literally translated to be: First (Hatsu), Sound (ne) and Future (Miku) --- as her voice is the first to be generated completely through artificial means [rather than voiced by a real voice actoress].

@omegasui
wow that's really a lot.. i will change it.. really help.. thanks

@leaderofrouge
thanks for making the thread..
i will sticky this thread..

@ToM
Cheers : )

Typo:
1. The Anime where Suzumiya Haruhi originated is: Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu NOT "Yuutsu" as written in her character description.

2. Similarly sort of error in Reimu's description. The correct Japanese name of where Reimu came from is [b]Gensoukyou[/b] NOT "Gensokyo" as written in her character description.

Original Background for Hakurei Reimu:
Reimu is the shrine maiden of the Hakurei Shrine, a remote building far in the east where the boundaries of Gensokyo and the human world overlap. Her main abilities are flying in the sky, good intuition, and getting along with everyone; even those who were once her enemies. She is characterized by her homing amulets and yin-yang orbs.

My Suggested background for Reimu:
Reimu, whose duty is to investigate strange occurences throughout the world and fend off the evil "Youkai", is the sole shrine maiden of the "Gensoukyou" Hakurei Shrine - situated in the far east of the human world. She is sympathetic, optimistic and has high curiousity, as well as getting along with people in general; even with those who were once her enemies. Reimu has the ability to fly and fights using spiritual amulets and with the power of Yin-Yang Orbs.

Izumi Konata's Skills

Otaku Knowledge

Original :Konata have knowledge about anime. She's really know all about anime detailed.
I KNOW THEM ALL!!
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Give reduction against all spell damage by 10%

My suggestion : Konata has detailed knowledge about anime and its characters, therefore gives her advantages on dueling such opponents.
I KNOW THEM ALL!!
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Gives 10% spell damage reduction.

Copycat

Original : Konata scans the target if it was from Anime or Game characters, she' able to copying the first ability with level depends on the copycat level.
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Able to copy first skill/[Q] shortcut from ally or enemy for certain time.

My suggestion : Konata scans the hero whether he/she is from Anime or Game, then revises her knowledge of that character so that she could use that hero's skill. Due to lacking of physique, she'll only capable of re-performing 1st skill (Q) of the scanned hero.
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Able to copy a hero's 1st skill (Q) for an amount of time. Copied skill's level based on Copycat's level.

Otaku Beam

Original : OTAKU OTAKU OTAKU~ BEAMMMU!!!
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Release a triple line powerfull beam that, destroy anything in the line. Has 1200 range and 300 AoE.

My suggestion : OTAKU OTAKU OTAKU~ BEAMMMU!!!
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Releases a powerful triple line beam. Has 1200 range, 300 AoE

Random Access Memory

Original : Konata almost remember all anime characters skill since she is otaku.
GOGOGO OTAKU!!! Random Access Memory!!!
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Do random any skill which can be remembered fastly by her.

My suggestion : Konata accesses her Otaku Knowledge to recreate an Anime Character's skill.
GOGOGO OTAKU!!! Random Access Memory!!!
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Does random skill.

Unlimited Otaku Works

Original : I am the reader of my mangas.
Anime is my body, and manga is my blood.
I have read over a thousand doujins.
Nor known for having life.
Have withstood long time in search of many figurines.
Yet, these hands will never get the perfect one.
So, as i present, "Unlimited Otaku Works".
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Deals damage around Konata. Damage is dealt each 0.5 second.

Lvl 1-2-3 - Deals ??? damage to nearby enemy unit around him [1-300 AoE] and ??? damage to nearby unit outside [300-550 AoE]


My suggestion : Unlocks the hidden unlimited power of an OTAKU!!!
Bestows upon all the Unlimited Otaku Works.
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Deals damages to all surrounding foes.

LVL 1-2-3 - Deals ??? damages/0.5 second close up, ??? damages/0.5 second at range.

!!! !!! Why did i put out all those long speech? Since they're already shown when using the skill, and also due to its length that the skill's name can't be read properly...

Ok 3 ...female characters 's fix suggested (oh btw i've really never played as a male character before, even in -ar and -random, dunno why though :)) )

Reimu Harukei's Skills

Spirit Orb

Original: Reimu releases 3 Orb which shaped likes Ying Yang, that will bouncing.
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Deals damages to hitted oppponents. Cast range 600, AoE 300 each orb. Each bounce will reduce it damage by 10%.

My suggestion : Reimu releases 3 Orbs which shaped like Yin Yang. Bounces upon drop.
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Deals damages to hit opponents. Cast range 600, AoE 300 each orb. Each bounce will reduces Orb's damage by 10%.

(Description for learning :200-300-400-500-600 damages. After learnt : 300-400-500-600-700 ?????????????)

Lvl 1-2-3-4-5 - ??? damages each hit orb, bounces ? times. (1 time, not times)

Oh and the name should be : Spiritual Orbs

Divine Spirits

Original: Using her spell card, she call sixth number of sphere that will target the area she decide.
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Deals damage each sphere hitted.

My suggestion : Using her spirit card, Reimu calls 6 divine spheres to attack her enemies.
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Deals damage each hit sphere.

Piercing Amulets

Original: Reimu release 2 magic amulets that moving that slicing each passed unit.
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Each amulets is deal damages and dealing damages again when return to Reimu.

Has 300 AoE.

My suggestion : Reimu releases 2 magical amulets that slice passed units.
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Each amulet deals damage upon passing.

(*has ???? max range)

Fantasy Heaven

Original: Reimu concentrate her energy to releasing endless attack, and also protecting herself using Fu.
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As long as this skill still channeled the Fu will be released surrounding herself, and She will be protected from any damage.

My suggestion : Reimu concentrates her energy to release endless attacks, while protecting herself with Fu.
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Reimu will be invulnerable while channeling.

(*channel lasts ?? sec.)

Limit Call

Original: Causing her enemy reaching their limit and cannot using energy after Reimu abilities.
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Silence every enemies within 300 AoE for 2 seconds, after casting spell for two times.

My suggestion : Overflows herself with tremendous energy which surpasses all enemies, therefore cause them to reach their limit of spell casting.
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Silences every heroes within 300 AoE for 2 seconds, after casting spell for two times.

Suzumiya Haruhi's Skills

Boredom

Original Bored, don't mess around with me foe!!
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Cause every nearby enemy unit decreased their attack speed by 10% and movement speed by 5% in 500 AoE.

My suggestion Bored, don't mess around with me foes!!
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Decreases all units within 500 range 10% attack speed and 5% movement speed.

Vanishing Presence

Original Haruhi using ability for removing other presence around her, it will slowly removing their presence but it will not remove them completely and it will only works on short period
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Deal damage after 1 second to each nearby enemy (400 AoE), and make them changed into Etheral form that affect to each unit inside AoE (except Haruhi). Lasts 3 seconds.
Ethereal will takes 40% extra damages from spells but cant be attacked.

My suggestion Haruhi's ability of removing other's presence.Thanks to Kyon, they will not be removed completely, but will have to experience through all in a short period.
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Converts foes into Ethereal form,then deals magical damage after 1 second in 400 range.Lasts 3 seconds.
Ethereal units take 40% extra magic damage, cannot attack or be attacked

Time Loop

Original Haruhi make the times looping back which only for herself. But need a few seconds to bring Haruhi back to the past time.
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She will be instantly taken back to the past and HP will back to that time also

My suggestion Haruhi is not satisfied with current results so she creates a loop in time which only affect herself.
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Haruhi will be taken back in time, resetting HP-position to matches the looped time.

(? seconds delay before taken back)

Sailor Form

Original Haruhi turn into sailor form and at that state she will get bonus attack speed, movement speed, attack damage, and passive ability.
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Attack which dealt at sailor form will be spells type and will increased the damage by 130.

My suggestion Haruhi dresses up as a Sailor to satisfies herself,which gives her bonus AS|MS|Damage.
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Dealt damages will be Magic type. Increases 130 damages.Lasts 35 seconds.

Arcane Field

Original Haruhi create a self dimension which trap each unit inside and her born of an uknown creature at the field which is created from her emotion.
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Trap all units around her to another field. Creep movement inside the field will be reduced to zero and during this Haruhi will get extra hp regeneration.

My suggestion : Haruhi opens a closed dimension. Spawns unknown creatures created from her emotion to destroy everything inside.
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Warps all surrounding units to the Closed Dimension. Haruhi gets extra HP regen during this.

(Unknown Creature deals ??? damage, invulnerable .Gives Haruhi extra ?? hp regen. Lasts ? second)

Original Background for Izumi Konata
Konata is a Otaku from middle grade school with a mischievous good-natured sense of humor. Her physique is smaller than average when compared to her peers which she claims hasn't changed since she was in the sixth grade. However, she is an expert in pulling an "all-nighter".

Suggested Background for Izumi Konata
Konata is a middle grade school otaku - a person with Anime/manga/figurine obsession - with a mischievous but good-natured sense of humor. Her physique is smaller than average and amongst her peers which she claims hasn't changed since she was in the sixth grade. Being an otaku, she adepts in staying up late; in order to satisfy her obsession she works part-time in a cosplay cafe.
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Original Background for Kuroi Mato
Black Rock Shooter is a pale-skinned, blue-eyed girl, with black hair in uneven twintail; the right lock of her hair is shorter than her left. She bears two scars on her midriff. A blue flame shoots out from her left eye. Her weapons consist of a black-hilted katana and a large gun called the rock Cannon. She is very skilled in fighting. Black Rock Shooter is able to fight evenly with Dead Master, despite appearing to try not to hurt her. Dead Master is able to initially outwit her, but even when she was chained downed, Black Rock Shooter is able to find renewed strength and defeat Dead Master.

Suggested Background for Kuroi Mato
Kuroi Mato is the human persona of Black Rock Shooter (BRS) who is from the "Other World". The two characters spiritually fused together to help each other in achieving their goals - for Kuroi: to find her best friend Yomi and BRS: to defeat Dead Master. BRS has two main weapons: Rock Cannon and a katana, with RC able to alter between Cannon Mode (for long distance attacks) and Bladed Mode (for CQC).
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Original Background for Suzumiya Haruhi
Haruhi is the leader of the SOS Brigade, whose energetic and eccentric character. She has a mind for adventure, which often leads her subordinates to be swept into her plans. While being smart, beautiful, and energetic. Haruhi can not stand boredom, so she comes up with various activities for the SOS Brigade, making them participate whether they like it or not. What Haruhi does not know is that she has an outstanding power to change the environment around as she pleases, using which she subconsciously gathers Mikuru Asahina, Koizumi Itsuki and Yuki Nagato.

Suggested Background for Suzumiya Haruhi
Haruhi, a lively energetic and eccentric character, is the president of a school club called SOS (Saving the world by Overloading it with fun Haruhi Suzumiya) Brigade - the club's mission is to look for and play with aliens, people of the future or from alternate worlds as well as extraordinary entities. Being the energetic adventurous person she is, Haruhi cannot stand boredom and thus often arranges creative (wild) activities where her subordinates, including: Asahina Mikuru, Koizumi Itsuki and Nagato Yuki, are to play out according to plan - what Haruhi does not know is that she has the power to change her surroundings as she will - which more often than not lead to series of comical consequences.

I CAN SEE HOW HORRIBLE MY ENGLISH XD

Nice English and Very Nice Tooltip

I was shivering, when I see several of my tooltip compared with your

Original Background for Takamachi Nanoha
Takamachi Nanoha is presented as a regular little girl, living with her family, taking the bus to school and playing the gold-hearted average girl. Yuno later calls Nanoha telepathically as an unstable Jewel Seed attacks, and he then gives her the red jewel around his neck, known as Raising Heart, and discovers her own magical ability. Even with all this power, she is still learning and must fight off her rival (later dearest friend and partner) Fate Testarossa. Needless to say, she succeeds in befriending Fate.

Suggested Background for Takamachi Nanoha
Nanoha has been a regular school girl until she received a red jewel - the Raising Heart - from Yuuno Scrya (a mage from a parallel universe) under an extraordinary circumstance, which led Nanoha come to realise her own magical capability upon receiving it. The Raising Heart jewel enables Nanoha to use various offensive and defensive abilities to aid her in combat.
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Original Background for Shana
Initially she is concentrated solely on her duty as a Flame Haze, going as far as to not bearing even a name. She sees Yuuji only as a Torch. However, she slowly opens up to Yuuji, coming to think of him as a person and eventually comes to love him. She was identified by only her Flame Haze title "Flame-Haired Red-Hot-Eyed Hunter", or her katana, Nietono no Shana. Yuuji, in his need to humanize her, choose to name her "Shana" after her katana. Shana later comes to the startling conclusion that she loves him, and even confesses it to him in the last.

Suggested Background for Shana
Shana is a Flame Haze whose duty is to prevent Crimson Denizen from disrupting the human world. Purely by chance, she allies Sakai Yuuji who, originally believe he was a ordinary human being, is a Mystes (Torch who has an embedded treasure within him/her, usually giving the individual special abilities). Shana uses fire-based skills and abilities in battles as well as the Fuzetsu, a special dimension that disables time - and damage caused within the Fezetsu can be repair using the Power of Existence - allowing her to combat Crimson Denizens without affecting the human realm. During time of peace when she attends school with Yuuji, Shana shows an unspoken love for melon flavoured bread.
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Original Background for Tohno Akiha
Young woman in charge of the noble Tohno family. Latent abilities from mixed demon and human heritage is stronger in this family than others. They manage and control the "hybrids" in the local region.

Suggested Background for Toono (Tōno) Akiha
As a descendant of the noble Toono (Tōno) family, Akiha inherits the responsibility to manage and maintain balance within her local region. Akiha's latent demonic ability called "Plunder", and when fully releasing her potentials, her hair turns to a bloodish red colour. This ability essentially allows Akiha to extract and transfer heat to elsewhere freely - which gives an intense burning sensation to enemy and objects coming into contact with her - thus in naked eyes she is seen to be able to set objects on fire at will.

its Tohno not Touno lol

Sorry but actually it should be "Toono" instead since I go by the genuine Japanese pronunciation:

Tō = Toh = Too (sometimes: tou) - if your PC supports Japanese then: 遠野 (とおの)

You can ignore it in the updates if you think it may cause confusion to people.

Oh yeah Haruhi's ultimate should be "Closed Dimension"

I plays nearly all maps

Dude, it's "I play"

pkw.Felix wrote:

Leaderofrouge wrote:Sorry but actually it should be "Toono" instead since I go by the genuine Japanese pronunciation:

Tō = Toh = Too (sometimes: tou) - if your PC supports Japanese then: 遠野 (とおの)

You can ignore it in the updates if you think it may cause confusion to people.

it tot it was Tōhno really ._.
~pkw

Neither of us is wrong. These variation of pronunciations are made for foreigners because the English pronunciation are almost completely different, in our case, if complete foreigner with no prior knowledge of Japanese would probably pronounce "ou" as "ouch" or "out" sound instead of (more or less) the "awe" sound. Those of us here would know how to say it properly because we've either seen the Anime or played games with character where the voice-over demonstrates for us how to say the name/Japanese words in general.

omegasui wrote:Oh yeah Haruhi's ultimate should be "Closed Dimension"

I plays nearly all maps

Dude, it's "I play"

And why should i care about grammar mistakes XD

Original Background for Shiki Nanaya
Eldest son of the ancient Nanaya family specializing in the assaination of hybrids. The Nanaya familys was destroyed by Tohno's. Does not truly exist; is the "what if" Tohno Shiki was raised by the Nanaya's.

Suggested Background for Shiki Nanaya
Tōno Shiki, a descendant of the Nanaya clan - a clan that takes great pleasure in the process of instinctive killing and destruction - is an adopted son of the Tōno family; ironically have been destroyed by his very same adopted family. Shiki would lose his usual kind-hearted and considerate consciousness should his inherant Nanaya instinct awakens - signified by enhanced strength, speed and reflexes - usually when his life becomes seriously threatened or stimulated with murderous thoughts and desires.

Shiki inherits a rare ability called "Chokushi no Magan" which allows him to see "lines" and "points" an individual or object that actually represents their existence; if the lines of the individual or object were being "traced" over, the existence of the entity is essentially erased rather than than killed thus cannot be revived or resurrected.

Original Background for Grimmjow Jeagerjaques
Grimmjow Jeagerjaques is the Sexta Espada, signfied by the "6" tattooed to his back. Grimmjow is very disrepectful and defiant towards authority figures. Grimmjow has an overly violent lust for battle, always seeking out the strongest opponent in a given area and he is very confident in his abilities, believing himself to be equal to, or even stronger than Ulquiorra. However, Grimmjow does follow a code of honor and takes offense to anyone who looks down on him. The remains of his Hollow mask consist of the right jawbone, and his Hollow hole is located o his abdomen.

Suggested Background for Grimmjow Jeagerjaques
Grimmjow is the 6th Espada and represents the "destruction" aspect of death (each of the 10 Espada all portrays an aspect/means of death). He is impatient, hot tempered and shows very little respect towards authoritative figures (or people who uses higher status to impose control upon others supposedly below themselves). When it comes to battle, he shows absolute confidence in his own capabilities and thus always seeks out to challenge the opponent whom he suspect is the strongest amongst a given group. Despite being a hollow, he follows strict principles of fair one-to-one fight and respect those who treat battle seriously - putting in 100% effort and fight with everything one's got.

Original Background for Kurosaki Ichigo
Ichigo Kurosaki is the main character of the "Bleach" series, a fifteen years old high school student from Karakura High who is blessed with a gift to see the living dead. And the story begins with Ichigo receiving shinigami powers as result of a run-in with Rukia Kuchiki. Those powers come at the cost of Rukia's stand in fighting to protect people from evil spirits called hollows and sending good spirits to Soul Society.

Suggested Background for Kurosaki Ichigo
Kurosaki Ichigo has been a highly achieving student - motivated by the fact that he used to be a target for bully and belittled by teachers due to his hair colour. He possesses an unspeakable ability to see spirits - with which he uses to help protect weak and gentle spirits. In an attempt to protect his family from an enraged hollow attack, he received the power of "shinigami" (soul reaper) - from Rukia, a genuine shinigami - which gave him his title as "Shinigami Substitute".

k all suggestion of descriptions already finish updated on map.

btw. some of your description i make it short.. since the desciption is not enough to the game.

Erm... who are you talking to.... i really have understanding problems lately due to tests...

[Time for choose ends] -> [Time for choosing ends]

Shana's Skill

Fire Release

Original: Shana slash with her sword to release fire and come out blazing fire wave from her sword.
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Deals damage in a line.

My suggestion : Shana slashes her sword with such force that releases eternal fire wave.
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Deals damage in a line.

Kaen Kougeki

Original A Flame dashing type attack that Shana will perform depend of her state, giving a different ability upon walk and flying.
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Able to use Blazing Strike ability while normal state.
Able to use Flying Blazing Strike ability while flying.

My suggestion : Shana performs a blazing dash attack, which depends on her state that results in different abilities.
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Enable Blazing Strike at Unrelease Wing state.
Enable Flying Blazing Strike at Release Wing state.

Blazing Stirke

Original Shana imbue her body with flame, A fire will be spawing around during dashing, and the strike will also damaging enemy unit within range with the target
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The flame which created when traveled will dissappear last 8 second, and has 50 damage/second.

My suggestion: Shana cloaks herself in flame, then dashes toward striking enemies while leaving behind a path of fire.
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Deals damage to targets in the path for 50 DPS.
Fire path lasts 8 seconds.

LVL ... Deals ??? dmg in ??? AoE

Flying Blazing Strike

Original Shana fastly flying up and down strike the target, A big explosive of fire will appearing when she reached the target.
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The explosion will deals half of the main damage and knocking around 400 AoE

My suggestion : Shana instantly flies up and down striking the target, causing huge fire explosion.
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Explosion deals 50% strike damage in 400 AoE.
Has Knockback effect.

Fuzetsu

(I don't actually remember anything from Shakugan no Shana so anime-related description won't be altered, just tooltips)

Original Seal is the most common of all Power of Unrestraint, and it also refers to the special dimension the Method creates; here the Crimson Realm and the real world intermingles, and all sorts of causalities, including time, is stopped for ordinary living beings. Flame Hazes are able to create such Seal at will, as may Crimson Denizens.
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Makes the time of entire map is stopped for certain period.

My suggestion:Shana creates a Seal at her own will, causing all ordinary living beings to be trapped in time for a certain period. Being a Flame Haze herself, Shana is unaffected by this seal.
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Pauses all units.

Tenpa Jyousai

(I don't actually remember anything from Shakugan no Shana so anime-related description won't be altered, just tooltips)


Original : Skipped due to lack of time.

My suggestion: Using a very large amount of Power of Existence, Shana summons the Crimson Lord Alastor in its true form, unleashes the unimaginable "Heaven-and-Earth Sundering".
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Creates blasts of flame dealing damage to all units in ??? AoE, then deal a final blow. Lasts 3 seconds.

Release/Unrelease Wing

Original : ........Skipped

My suggestion: Shana is capable of releasing her wings fitting to the situation.
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.....than other characters.
..... different skill.............



Yes yes im cutting off a lot, 1st reason due to my mom keep yelling at me to do the dishes, 2nd due to my lack of time, 3rd due to my laziness :D

If you guys want i can copy the original description later.

Nanoha's SKills

Axel Shooter

Original : Skipped

My suggestion: Being the upgraded version of Divine Shooter, it's capable of guiding a dozen of high-speed magic missiles.
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Deals damage in ??? AoE. (I don't even understand your original tooltips...)

Protection

Original : Skipped

My suggestion: Automatic guard magic that can protect its user from every attacks of all directions.Disappear after absorbing a certain amount of damage.
( I don't understand the "penetrated" parts)
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Gives a chance to activate Protection after casting a spell.
Protections lasts 15 seconds or absorbed more than its limit.
100% chance of activation when casting Starlight Breaker.

Divine Buster

Original : Skipped

My suggestion: Nanoha releases a particle beam shot in a straight line.
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Has 1600 range, 300 AoE, hits 4 times. (well since it only lasts 1 second, and it hits 4 times per second...)

Starlight Breaker

Original :

My suggestion: Nanoha's own 'variation' of Divine Buster. After collecting and reusing the magical energy in the air, Nanoha releases a powerful light beam that deals critical damage.
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Deals damage in ??? AoE. Lasts 2 seconds.

I don't understand Flash Move , since there's no way Nanoha can deal a melee attack?

Louise's Skills

Fireball

Original : Skipped

My suggestion: Louise casts a Fire Element spell, which deals damage to targeted unit and explodes randomly.
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Explodes up to 6 times in ??? AoE.

........??? damage each explosion.

Explosion

Original : Skipped

My suggestion: A failure Fire Element spell made by Louise. Though being a failure spell, it can be deadly.
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Explodes every 0.6 seconds at random locations in 450 AoE.
Lasts 3 seconds.

Dispel

Original : Skipped

My suggestion: A powerful Void Element spell that somehow Louise can cast. Can be used on self/ally to increases damage.
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Cast on self/ally to increases next attack/spell damage.
Cast on foe to removes all buffs and deals damage.
Bonus damage cannot be greater than 5000.
Only gives bonus damage to 1 target at a time.

Void

Original :Skipped

My suggestion: One of the most fearful Void Element spell belongs to Louise. Activates upon Louise's unconsciousness.
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Deals damage to all surrounding units in 600 AoE.
Does greater damage to closer unit.

(Erm does Louise actually unconscious at all? Like stun or can't be move or sleep and such?)

Zero

Original : Skipped

My suggestion: Louise is miserable at spell casting, so every spell she casts has a chance of failure and explode.
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Has chance to fail.
Explosion due to spell failure damages nearby units(Including herself and her allies)