Description Improvement - Any Description-Related Feedback Here

First topic message reminder :

The best way to do this is to copy out the original description/text --- either find it from the character information section or the game (screenshots would be a good idea) --- highlight the part of the text that contains the error(s) then write your suggestion in a separate paragraph. This way ToM/other authors know exactly where to look & change. So I will start this off as an example:



Also in the description:
"Yuuji slash the sword with his Power of Existence. Make an energy wave is appear on top of his sword.
Deals 225 damage each slash hitted"

My Suggestion:
Using his Power of Existence, Yuuji can generate energy waves when he swings his sword.
Deals 225 damage each wave.

well the map is on my friend right now.. so.. i will update it later when i receive again the map from him..

Original Description for Leek
A special attack that Miku release, which make her leek's grow bigger for an instant hit to single enemy.
Give 10% chance to stun the enemy with 40 extra damag and stunning for 1 second and 2 seconds to creep.

Suggested Description for Leek
Miku has a chance to cause the enemy's eyes to water while attacking, due to the stinging sensation released from the leek, rendering them unable to fight effectively.
10% to irritate the enemy's eyes causing them to water. Takes 1 second to recover for heroes and 2 for creeps.
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Original Description for Magical Leek
Miku take out her Leek with magical force. Then she slam it to make magical force ripple from her Leek.
Release magical force and after hit the target, it will explode.

Suggested Description for Magical Leek
Miku launches a ripple of magical force from her leek in a straight line path which explodes upon contact stunning nearby enemies as well.
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Original Description for Cheer
Miku cheer's up the allies target with her voice.
Instantly recovering target health.

Suggested Description for Cheer
Miku sings with a soothing tune which can ease off the pain of allies.
Recovering target ally's HP instantly.
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Original Description for Mute
Miku screams a series of random vocal pitches, rendering enemies dizzy and unable to think properly.
Dealing small damage and stunning each enemy around her and make they can't using a spell for a while

Suggested Description for Mute
Miku lets out a sudden high pitch sound that hurts the ears of those nearby at the time, making them feel dizzy and unable to concentrate in battle.
Deals AoE damage, stunning and silencing nearby enemies for a short period.
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Original Description for Concert
Miku yeilding her vocal prowess begins to sing a song, causing all opposing forces to succumb to its melody in the middle of the battlfield resulting in heavy aoe damage
Deals damage around her and cause all of the enemy target to not attacking and decreasing all affected unit combat spirit.

Suggested Description for Concert
Miku sings one of her well-known songs and the melody has such a strong relieving effect which can actually completely neutralise all hostility within enemies towards Miku while listening to her singing.
Disables the attack of and deals damage to all enemies within the area.
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I also have a proposal to make. Instead of some of the current names used for Miku's skill I suggest the following:

Magical Leek --> Hyper Resonance
Cheer --> Harmonics
Mute --> Dissonance
Concert --> Sound of Music

If we decides to accept my proposal I will need to make some adjustments to the descriptions to make them more suitable - these were originally something that I've decided for some of the custom skills that I wanted to make; since I haven't been able to come up with any yet, you can use these names now without the fear of copyright XD

Also, I reckon we should actually use a part of one of Miku's songs for her ulti while channeling the ability :P

Hyper Resonance.. i will use it..

Harmonics... is there any different name for this? (since kanade is having same name skill of this one)

Dissonance.. nice one..

Sound of Music... umm.. seems weird..

How about "World is Mine" =)) :D :D :D

hmm.. use skill of name from one of miku song... good idea..
i will think about it... and insert the music to the game..

Yea~ sound of music is kinda......Yea =.=;; Those are just names that I thought of previously so I didn't give them too much extra thought.

Support Omegasui's suggestion on Miku's ulti : P
Also, you probably know anyway, time of the song should be same length as the spell's channeling period.

Harmonics can be changed to resonance/unison/harmony or may lyrical chant <.< >.>
Probably Resonance is the best out of the others -.=

yea i will insert the song while channel begin and finish..

haha yea Resonance is the best one.. since opposite of Dissonance..

LOL

thx for Suggestion Description for Leek, but just for info ( sorry spoiler ) .. Miku 1st skill has been changed and also certain spell ..

changed? o_O

should be epic.. lol
i hope miku first skill is more easy to use than the last one..

btw.. when you will pay internet.. =="
(almost 1 month you didn't paid yet)

Deckai wrote:...thx for Suggestion Description for Leek, but just for info ( sorry spoiler ) .. Miku 1st skill has been changed and also certain spell ..

If you want me to re-script it, you can PM me the description or tell ToM contact me personally (if you dun want to spoil it until new release)

Yo im back

Imma skip the colour and original.

Avenger :

Default skill : ok

1st skill :
....
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Deflects 100% taken damage to attacker.
....
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2nd skill : ok

3rd skill :
Tarwrich and (forgot)
....
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Has chance to place a buff on either him or his enemy.
Buff reduces 50% damage, silences for 7 seconds.

Ulti : You forgot the ?? part...

I can't believe you let so much slide pass you in Avenger's descriptions...

Anyway I will come back to that once I've done them myself...

For now, I don't think anyone has brought up the error in the load screen yet:

2nd line:
"AI smart and stronger with 3 difficult choice"

- "AI made smarter..." is a better way of saying it.
- Either: 3 difficulties OR 3 choices of difficulty
"...3 difficult choice" is incorrect regardless, 1) it sounds like you are making a difficult choice

Could you repeat your first line in an easier way to understand? I don't know what you're telling me 8-}

I mean there are a lot stuff to correct in Avenger's descriptions...

I corrected them once before the launch, but not sure who's smart idea was it to change back some of the wordings (but at all) so now some of it either doesn't make sense or sounds very weird... Anyway, since I have my original edition of the skills, it wouldn't take long to change...

Well when you're done with it please post it asap, i want to see where i've failed...

My suggestion
Yuuji:
Energy Slash changed like bigger wave and longer range but 1 wave only(dmg and cd would be yours).
Ichigo:
Base damage increase a little.
Refresher(Item)/Black Star:
When you refresh you can spam madness skill(you could even had 10kdmg with it by spam you should change the madness skill.

Dude, this is Description Improvement, not feedback topic. Either you create one, or go to the Main Discussion topic and have your suggestion over there.

Default ability: (C) Presence Concealment - Kojiro is able to conceal his presence, granted by his class as an Assassin. Due to being an improper servant, this skill of his is not yet perfect, as he can only do as much as watching over his enemies without revealing himself to them.

Duration: 10
Cooldown: 25
Allows Kojiro to become invisible, leaving behind an illusion that can only last 1 hit.


(Q) Dash Slash - Normally, Servants in Assassin class are the weakest ones in direct confrontation. That is why Kojiro comes up with a slashing technique that can take his enemies by surprise from afar.

Damage: 200~1000/400~1200/600~1400/800~1600/1000~1800
Range: 800/850/900/950/1000
Cooldown: 10
Dashes to the targeted location, dealing 300 AoE damage to non-allied units that Kojiro crossed by.
Stuns affected units for 0.5 seconds.


(W) Gate Keeper - Kojiro is capable of having a full concentration during battle, which gives him the ability to foresee incoming attacks by learning his enemies' attacking pattern. Due to such concentration, his ability to move is greatly affected.

Evasion% up/hit: 2/4/6/8/10
Evasion duration: 10/8/6/4/2
Gate keeper duration: 20
MS reduction: 50%/45%/35%/30%
Cooldown: 20/24/26/32/38
Grants 10% base evasion upon activation and will be increased as Kojiro gets attacked. Each increment has its own duration.
Gate Keeper state lasts 20 seconds.


(E) Hiken: Tsubame Mai - When things get serious, Kojiro has this ace up his sleeves. Constantly bombards his prey with near lightspeed slashes while leaving behind after images to confuse it, Kojiro can take his leave with ease, or prepare for a finishing move.

Damage: 80/100/120/140/160 + 1*Kojiro's level
Range: 600
Cooldown: 40/38/36/34/32
Leaves behind an illusion with each slash, which lasts 1 hit or after 2 seconds.
Slashes 6 times.


(R) Tsubame Gaeshi - Ganryu-hiken, Swallow Reversal.
A technique that defies the laws of physics, designed for close range one on one combat and it's said to be unavoidable if there are no errors in its execution. Kojiro simultaneously performs three sword slashes in mutually exclusive directions.

Damage: 1000/1500/2000
Cooldown: 40/39/38
Pauses all units within 600 AoE of Kojiro.
Deals damage to non-allied units within 400 AoE of Kojiro. Doubles the damage if affected unit's HP is less than 50%.
Has casting time of 1 second.


(R) Tsubame Gaeshi - Ganryu-hiken, Swallow Reversal.
A technique that defies the laws of physics, designed for close range one on one combat and it's said to be unavoidable if there are no errors in its execution. Kojiro simultaneously performs three sword slashes in mutually exclusive directions.


All of his moves are Ganryuu-hiken lol.


Summer is here. Thought I would fix some things up because my tight anus is telling me to.


Q) Dash Slash - Normally, Servants in Assassin class are the weakest ones in direct confrontation. That is why Kojiro comes up with a slashing technique that can take his enemies by surprise from afar.

Correct term for his technique is "Monohoshizao"(even though its not a technique at all). It's just used to to show and express the length of his sword. He actually doesn't have a dashing attack! But at least rename it Monohoshizao or Drying Pole ><.


(W) Gate Keeper - Kojiro is capable of having a full concentration during battle, which gives him the ability to foresee incoming attacks by learning his enemies' attacking pattern. Due to such concentration, his ability to move is greatly affected.

Not true, gate keeper is once again a term used in F/A to show his fighting limitation and style of having to protect the temple. Gate Keeper just means Kojiro has to reduce his offensive ability and mobility to focus on defense not a state of focus.



E) Hiken: Tsubame Mai - When things get serious, Kojiro has this ace up his sleeves. Constantly bombards his prey with near lightspeed slashes while leaving behind after images to confuse it, Kojiro can take his leave with ease, or prepare for a finishing move.


Just sounds stupid lol. Kojiro the wild hawk - documentary edition.

Aiya. Who cares.

Its proved by Einstein that people don't even read the description of the skills, rather they just read the damage integer and other relevant to that.

Ah! Long time no see =D!!

So~~~ How's things =P??

I haven't seen thomasinow on MSN these days so I could ask him about the progress of the map =(

oh look, some replies, what a surprise, now back to cr for me

Dunno guys if u guys think this is relevant but....
Reimu's 2nd skill name xud be changed to Divine Spirits: Fantasy Orb/Seal(IDK w/c is it)
3rd skill name xud be changed to Hakurei Amulets
I think I also saw some description/grammar errors but I'm too lazy to open wc3 at the moment. So, gonna post again if I'm not lazy anymore